A bit over two weeks ago I had the most affirming and wonderful weekend spent with over 50 women (and a handful of men). We came together in Washington, DC to hold a nation wide conference, and an interleague arm wrestling championship. For 6 years, I’ve been involved with CLAW, Charlottesville Ladies Arm Wrestling, and more recently, CLAW USA, the national coalition.

This weekend represented a shift in my thinking about CLAW. Previously I would have proudly reeled off the sums that we’ve raised locally (over $60,000) and nationally (over $300,000), and I might have talked about how my perceptions of myself have changed as a performer, and how much braver and confident I am taking on different persona. But, I always was presenting it as something I was mildly embarrassed by, or desired to keep separate from my “real” or professional life. But this weekend shifted my thinking. After almost 4 years of observing the national movement, I feel like we’re maturing and coming into our own. As I met these women, and we talked about our shared values, the perception of women, the importance of true diversity, the financial and emotional support of charitable organizations within our communities and acting with love and integrity, I see that what we are doing is ground-breaking and important.

We’re providing a venue for women to express themselves, to be in the spotlight. We’re providing a venue for women to be powerful, no matter if they are physically tiny or large. We’re providing a venue for women to be sexy, in whatever way they desire, no matter if they fit the standards aggressively proclaimed in magazines. We’re providing a venue for women to be provocative and vulgar and loud. It was freeing to realize that this wasn’t something to be ashamed of, or to proclaim “ridiculous”; this is important work.

I realized that this weekend was the largest group of people I’d ever been around where I didn’t worry if I was wearing the right clothes, or if I was sitting properly, or my tummy was hidden enough, or if I should have shaved my legs. To be free of those oppressive thoughts gave me the mental space to tackle more important items, like how to develop this movement, how to have more fun, how to effect more change.

Returning to the real world was hard, my brain was racing with all that we had discussed, and with the energy of a shared purpose, with pockets of bravery and activism stretching from Portland, Maine to New Orleans to Olympia, Washington and points in between.

The weekend reminded me of important lessons, and gave me renewed energy to tackle Building Experience‘s upcoming youth conference. Lessons I learned at CLAW weekend, and intend to implement at the upcoming BE Youth Conference are:

• Create structured opportunities people to share their stories. Each Arm Wrestling League gave a presentation on what they had accomplished. This allowed us to remember that we are facing similar challenges and pursuing common dreams. At the BE Youth Conference, each student will prepare a short presentation about something that they are expert in that relates to the other students. Topics will include: Attending a 4 year college, Being a single mom and having a job, and Creating teamwork.
• Create shared space and time. At CLAW we were so lucky to stay in a seminary and get to just be in a place together. We ate together, designed costumes, woke up and laughed in a shared space. This forced intimacy allowed us to bond and build friendships quickly. As I work with young adults, particularly ones that live in small homes, with lots of relatives, I realize how rare it is for young people to have safe, un-regulated spaces to simply be together. As I host activities and community dinners, I realize that I don’t need to create structured activities for every moment, these young people treasure the time that they get to spend just being in the moment, together.
• Reinforce commonalities. CLAW is diverse. We are from all over the country. We range in age from the early 20s to the late 50s. We identify as competitive and sporty, theatrical and artsy and/or both. We are mothers, professors, underemployed, queer, trans, and straight ladies in every combination. Although we all identify as feminists, our political beliefs span the continuum of liberal ideology. But, we bonded over the things we care about, raising money, being more entertaining, being more conscious of our words and actions, being safer and so many other topics. Young people need a team too. They need to know that they aren’t the only ones struggling with prioritizing responsibilities, or the only ones navigating first generation life, or the only ones learning how to respectfully transition from child to adult in the eyes of their parents. Bringing differences and reinforcing commonalities helps young people feel less isolated, less alone, and more capable of facing challenges.
• Laugh. CLAW laughed, a lot. Humor and understanding and bonding can heal and make life better. Laughter can help you cope, and feel like what you are taking on is less daunting. Laughter and fun are part of the mission statement for BE. We’re too quick these days to want to measure everything and gauge all growth in learning outcomes. Every time I design now, I design for high-quality fun, because I can’t see the point in designing life without.

Liked it? Take a second to support Dolly on Patreon!