Despite leaving my 40+ hour a week gig 6 months ago I remain consistently busy. I haven’t taken up some major Candy Crush addiction, in fact my playtime is less than it used to be. I’ve found that my interests and passions are what fill up my time, to such an extent that I’ve got to exercise my ability to say no. Here’s what I’m remembering:
Establish Priorities
I remember my advisor telling me the problem with saying no is that you’ll WANT to do all of the options presented. It’s not easy to say no to things you want to do, but you gotta. For me this time in my life is prioritized thusly: Spending time with the compound, Supporting social justice actions, Creating Building Experiences, and Having enough money to pay bills.
I can specifically think of 4 opportunities that I struggled to turn down. They fell into the categories of Professionally Exciting, Conference Presenting, Money Maker, and Potential Collaboration. I had to carefully consider if they fit within my priorities. Not enough. Whether the expense was going to be in the form of focus, money or time, the cost of each outweighed the potential benefit.
Reduce Consequences through Communication
There are definite downsides to saying no. In 3 of my naysayed opportunities, there were people who I was specifically turning down. It’s hard to disappoint or reject people. In each case I expressed appreciation, and explained what conflicts were prevent me from proceeding. I continue to have good relationships with 2 of the 3 “rejected” people, it’s too soon to tell with the 3rd, but , if someone cannot understand previous commitments and honest communication, it’s likely not a good fit anyhow.
Follow Your Passions
I am saying yes to an opportunity that doesn’t fit precisely within my 4 priorities, but it feels oh so right. Sometimes the lure of travel, friend-crushes, professional development, and soul resonance outweigh strict rules.
Commit to the Yes
There are times when I wonder, “Why am I doing this?”, ‘this’ being blogging, acting on social justice issues, organizing youth conferences, hosting community dinners or any number of tasks that can feel tedious. I am doing it because I told myself I would. Because at some time, the informed part of my brain said, “This is going to be worthwhile,” and I trust that judgment.
Track the power of Yes
And I know it’s worthwhile because I’ve created systems to track progress. I track how many views this blog gets (over 1,200 views thus far, some from actual people), and how many people have come to community dinners (58!). I thank students for coming and have them write thank notes to volunteers and donors. Their words express the appreciation they have for my efforts, and remind me to stay the course.
Don’t say no to be contrary. Say no to focus your energy to your true priorities. Happy 2015.
